


Transition~ Here to There and the Blood In-Between

by WerewolfGirl77



Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, FTM, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1791646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewolfGirl77/pseuds/WerewolfGirl77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mathilda is a transgender who is about to come out to her family, and best friend Gilbert after knowing she was a boy for about a year. After it goes horribly wrong she flees to New York with Gilbert, where she attempts to create a life for herself, and save up for the surgery (technically multiple, but, hey?) that will finally let her feel at home in her own body. In the process will she fall in love? Or will everything continue to go downhill?</p><p> </p><p>Sorry for the sucky, sucky summary, please try this! It's better than the summary maker it out to be. It has proper (kinda) grammar and is relatively well written for a first fan-fic, so....please?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Teaser

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a Teaser of my very first published fanfic, here's to hoping you like it/and/or it doesn't suck royally. Here goes! Oh, and disclaimer, I own nothing acourse, credit for Hetalia and 2p Hetalia all goes to Hidekazu Himaruya. ( *Gollum voice* Teach me, Master!!)

This was it. This was the day everything went incredibly right for the first time in his life, or they went horribly, gut-wrenchingly wrong, like everything always had as long as he could remember. This was it. Pulse racing, pupils dilated, breathe coming in pants, I look to my best-friend in the entirety of the world as I prepare to deliver the words that very well could be my death-sentence. My parents, picture perfect expressions of morbid curiosity and concern marring their otherwise perfect faces, sat on either side of my previously bored, now concerned as well, little brother and Gilbert, who looked ready to leap up and hug me, despite my many warning’s **not** to do that, no matter how freaked I looked. “This is it…” I muttered, suddenly looking at the hardwood floor like it was the most interesting thing in the universe, scarcely realizing I’d said anything, though no one could hear what I’d said anyway, too soft for even my own ears. I looked up, steeling my heart, and gaze as I stated my heavily practiced speech. “Mom. Dad. I have something I really need to tell you, but before I do, I need you to promise me something.”

“Of course, anything, Snowflake.” It was my mother who replied, always the spokesperson for the family.

“Promise you’ll love me no matter what, and that you won’t hate me for what needs to be said.”

“Of course we’ll love you!! Nothing could make us hate you, why would you think that? You’re pregnant aren’t you? Don’t worry, it’s okay! We’ll take care of you, don’t worry!”

“What?! Wait, no, no, no! I’m not pregnant! It’s…something else…What would you have named me if I were a boy, Mom?”

“Mathew.” Her answer was immediate with **_no_** hesitation and _**no**_ doubt, further concreting my decision to tell. Even if they hadn’t come to the same conscious realization as I had, subconsciously, they **knew,** just like me.

“Why? Whats going through that head of yours, Snow?”

“Mom…Dad…I’ve never felt quite right, not once in my whole life, kinda like my body doesn’t fit right, like there was some kinda mistake. I finally realized why about a year ago. I put words to the feeling.” I looked directly at my mother and father as I said the words that had **hit** me like a bolt of lightning not a year before, the realization that changed _everything_. “I’m not a girl. Not really, there was some kind of mistake. I’m really a boy, mentally, should be physically, everything. And I plan on taking the steps to rectify this mistake, with, I hope, your support and blessing. Please realize how hard it has been for me to keep this to myself, and how much I  need you to accept me for who I am…” The last was barely above a whisper, said as I shut my eyes and waited for the explosion…

 

 

 

End of Teaser, Doncha hate me? ; p


	2. Chapter Un~ The Aftermath

Dead. Utter. Silence. I could hear the gasp of shock from my Parents when what I'd said actually sank in and they realized that  ** _this wasn't a joke, this was happening._**  I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, hard and fast enough to make me light-headed. My breathing was feather-light and shallow, making the little gasps barely audible in the still, deathly silence. Suddenly, I heard movement from the couch. Flinching, I screwed my eyes shut even tighter, my hands clenching into fists from my sheer anxiety and terror. Because I was so tense when I felt strong, lightly-muscled arms wrap around me I flinched, violently, eyes immediately opening to see Gil, always there for me, dependable, kind, sweet in his own way, **Gil!**  hugging me close enough to nearly crush me and let us feel each others heartbeats, mine fast and terrified, his slightly faster than normal from my news, but still slow, steady and reassuring with it's heart-rending _normality._ A choked sob escaped me as I clutched him close and pressed my face into his shoulder to try and calm down enough to face my family. To see what they thought of me. With that thought I forced myself to lift my head and look over to them for the first time. My mother's face was completely blank, still trying to comprehend what she'd heard, I guessed. My brother was confused, it was obvious he didn't understand or know what I was talking about, or why it was a big deal, no doubt I'd have to explain the whole thing to all of them, they probably wouldn't have even heard of this other than a court case or something in the news. My dad was staring at me. His eyes were hard, and held the thing I had been dreading, praying wouldn't be there, praying wouldn't come into play so that maybe,  **maybe** for once, I could come out on top of something. But no, there was no getting around it. He was disgusted, horrified, angry, and above all, I could tell, he wanted  **Nothing**  to do with me or my decision. He glanced at Mom, and my head snapped around to look at her, (I'm shaking, why am I shaking?) only to see the blankness was gone replaced with the thing I had vehemently assured myself wouldn't be there no matter what they thought, they wouldn't....they  **couldn't** **...** My mother, the woman who had raised me, given birth to me, the one who had been there for me no matter what others said, or teased me about, or hurt me for, the woman who, not two minutes ago had promised to love me unconditionally, forever...was looking at me with complete, undisguised  **Hatred.** The shaking increased to violent proportions, more sobs forcing their way out of my throat, which was fast becoming sore from the intensity. "M-m-momma?" The word came out shaky, watery, hesitant, and above all with a plaintive note of "Why?"

"Don't you **_DARE_  **call me that, as far as I am concerned you are **NO** _daughter_ of mine! **GET OUT!**! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, I WILL NOT HAVE YOU _TAINTING_ BRADLEY WTH YOUR **SICK** IDEA'S!! _**GET OUT!**_! She  screamed at me as she leapt from her position on the couch, startling Gilbert enough that he let go of me, immediately whirling around to stare in shock at my normally extremely composed,collected, and above all  _kind_ mother.

"We don't want anything to do with you. Get your stuff, and get out. You might as well be dead as of twelve tonight, we don't know you, and you might as well forget about your inheritance, savings account, and trust fund." My father delivered his part of my death-blow calmly, in the same tone he used when grounding me. He looked as though I  _had_ died. Brad just looked confused, and now, upset, it was obvious he was confused beyond anything, but he was scared of the way our, no, His...parents were reacting, turning his gaze from them to stare at me with shock, the same confusion, and now, fear. He was afraid of me now. The final blow. The black creeping at the edges of my already poor (even with my glasses) vision gained more ground, everything swimming out of focus as the black won and the world and all of it's disappointments disappeared with a nauseating pull at my stomach.

                                                                                                                                               ~~

 

When I woke up I was still crying, silent tears crawling down my face and collecting in my hair, or ears. I felt achingly empty, like I had used up my heart and it had nothing more to give, despite the watery evidence of my continued pain. I was on something soft, but without my glasses I hadn't a prayer of figuring out where I was, or what was going on, so I just layer there and let my thoughts turn to what had happened before I'd passed out. I drew in a rattling breath, starting to sob anew, shock melting away to reveal a horrifying sense of confirmation. Somehow, deep down, I had  _known_ this was going to happen, surely parents hadn't outwardly behaved homophobic in the  slightest sense of the word, but they hadn't exactly been supportive of the notion, had they? I should have known, or, real, let myself know... I heard the door open and then footsteps rushing to me when they apparently heard me crying. _  
_

"Hey, hey, Birdie, it's alright! It's okay! They aren't here, they're never going to hurt you again, it's okay, it's okay...You have me..I don't care...it's all alright..." Gilbert hugged me again, crooning in my ear when it threw myself into his arms, or rather, tried. A sharp pull at my left wrist made me stop.

"Don't pull! You're in the hospital, you've got an IV, so watch it... Do you remember what happened? Though I guess you wouldn't since ya passed out. The Awesome me caught ya though, so doncha worry!" Gilbert grinned, obviously very pleased with himself, I smiled, seeing him act so normally somehow helped, but...

"If you caught me, why am I in the hospital?" As I asked, however, I suddenly became aware of how **everything** hurt, especially my head.

"Yeah, about that... Your family sorta went nuts... That woman did the most damage though, I was pretty busy holding back your Dad, so I didn't know what she was doing..." My eyes widened, what the hell was he stopping them from doing?! Gil caught your expression and quickly elaborated. "As soon as ya passed out they just kinda lunged for you. I thought it was to catch ya or somethin', but when **he** tried to hit you, I realized what was really going on pretty quickly. I figured he'd do the most damage so I focused on him, but  _damn_ your mo-  **she's** pretty strong, and quick, didn't expect that-Not that the awesome me couldn't handle it of course!!" He puffed out his chest, again, quite proud of himself before glancing at me. "Shit, sorry...ignore me, I'm just an ass...They were trying to hurt you, Mathilda...maybe trying to kill you, but I didn't let them! I fought 'em off! I'm  _quite proud_ to report your _**Dad**_ " the word was spat, vehemently and with such disgust and ** _fury_** I flinched, but continued to stare, eyes wide with shock and further horror as he continued "is now the owner of  ** _several_** broken bones and ruptured organs." Gilbert grinned, viciously in a way I hadn't seen since he'd come out himself the year before, not long before I'd realized I was trans, and had been virtually tortured by our peers in school, finally snapping and beating the everliving shit out of ten of the worst ones, quite effectively stopping any and all bullying. Presently, he broke out his trance and looked down, serious out of nowhere. "I normally don't hurt women, but...she was literally _clawing your skin off_. There was no way I was letting that shit happen. So, I royally fucked her up, hope you don't mind." Well, that was Gil for you, violent when he snapped, o the point, unapologetic when he meant something, and foul-mouthed.

"God, I love you...." The words just made their way out of my mouth before I even realized it making us both start at their suddenness. "Th-thank you, Gil......Thank y-you, s-s-s-so....m-!" I couldn't get the rest out. It was finally to much. I broke down, crying again, but only for a few seconds. I started wailing, a guttural, heart-wrenching sound, louder than anything I had _ever_ produced. I clutched my sides and started rocking back and force, shaking from the force of my cries."

"Oh,  _shit!_ _"_ Gilbert was there again, just as suddenly, smashing me to his chest, crooning sweet nothings in my ear like he always did when I was upset. I heard the door open again, and more people entering, Gilbert apparently did too, turning to face them before speaking. "It's okay, I just told her...what they tried to do...she'll be alright in a while, she's tough."

"Do you think we should give her a sedative?" A foreign voice, a nurse most likely.

"No, she's already going to sleep...." Gil turned back to be, pressing his face into my shoulder and nuzzling there, renewing his grip on me. My wails continued for what felt like days, but was most likely just an hour or so, finally tapering off into whimpers and sobs, then, eventually being reduced to whimpers and hiccups, before I felt myself slipping off back into the comforting, warm, _safe_ dark of unconsciousness....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be posted Tuesday. I hope to post every two days, but I might be a little irregular, since I have an absolutely huge over-the-summer project, and I'm still unpacking from moving, so don't get your hopes up even though I WILL try to keep posting regularly...


	3. Chapter Deux~ Holy Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, since this is my first fan-fic, and it is un-beta'd if you see any spelling/grammar mistakes, please point them out, and I'll fix them as soon as I can, thanks for your help, and I hope you enjoy!

When I woke up it was dark outside my little window and Gil was asleep in the chair beside my bed, having moved it so he could keep holding my hand. I looked for the little table that's always near a hospital bed and found it to my left, reaching over with the IV hand (the one Gil wasn't clutching for dear life) and felt around for-- Success!! I quickly slipped on my glasses and took the chance to actually look around for the first time. The hospital room was small, the usual bathroom, open room with a bed and tv setup. I was hooked up to the IV of course, being given what looked like painkillers, fluids, and anitbiotics, (all those long nights studying for AP biology and chemistry had payed off!) along with the usual heart monitor. Then my attention turned to myself, my poor, apparently battered, bruised, not right body. I lifted my arm (again, the free one) and was shocked to see a definite, deep almost black bruise on the shape of a foot right across the middle, along with a matching handprint including half-moon nail scars. "Holy motherfucking Maple." I breathed, scarcely holding back tears again, but this time, I was mad. I was bordering on outright rage. I looked to my right arm and saw more handprints, and even more scratches, no longer just half-moons. Shaking with anger now, I lifted the covers to inspect my torso. The entirety of my stomach was covered in thick white bandages, all the way down to my hips. Suddenly I recalled what Gil had said before ' _she was literally clawing your skin off_ '. And just like that, ding ding ding!! We have a winner! Maximum **homicidal rage** has been reached! How _**dare**_  they do this to me?! I am, was, their only daughter, the one they should love unconditionally, and treat lovingly and kindly, to be supportive to when something like this came up, and they should have reassured me, told me what I _**desperately**_  needed to hear. That it was okay, that they loved me, that they'd continue to love me no matter what, and that they'd help me through the surgeries and and my first boyfriend, and- and- I didn't realise I was crying again, this time with disappointment and anger more than grief until Gil was holding me again. I looked up, all my thoughts shining in my eyes like they always do, meeting his gaze. He looked at me knowingly and sighed, the smallest smile curving his lips.

"Want me to kill'em? I would, you know that, right?" Gilbert was too loyal and sweet for his own good, always in trouble for fighting for his friends, protecting them or their honor, especially me...I was too timid and shy to do anything when people turned on me. I just kinda took it and secretly amused myself with plans of revenge. I was, am, practically invisible to everyone around me, so I didn't have many, or really, any friends before Gil...We'd met in Junior High, he'd just moved here and was the typical bad boy exchange student causing as much trouble as he could within that small window of opportunity when the teachers, though most aren't dumb, assumed it was because you didn't know the rules, and didn't mean too. Oh, but he meant to, I could see it in his eyes. He had the same schedule as me, all the same classes, everything, which I'd be thankful for later, but at the moment was simply annoyed by, by his constant noise, by his interruptions, and by the way he actually seemed to see me, unlike all those before him and the people I'd grown up with.Our first real encounter was like this, I'd left my book of terror (as I called my little revenge notebook) out on my desk, I wasn't worried no one ever noticed my stuff or me, but I hadn't counted on the new, albino transfer student walking past to get the bathroom pass (this was the first year of junior high, 8th grade to be exact) Gil saw my book of terror and was apparently intrigued by the skull and crossbones I'd so daringly doodled on the front. Before I even saw him near my desk he snatched it up and went back to his own, suddenly saying "Never mind, don't have to go after all, sorry Teach." earning him a scowl from our teacher and my attention briefly. Then a double-take when I saw what he was holding. He read the whole thing over the course of English and never once stopped snickering the whole time. I was horrified, I was ashamed of my carelessness, but mainly I was more than a little ticked off that he had just taken my notebook for no reason as far as I could tell and started reading it. When class was over (lunch), I made a bee-line for him and made myself known immediately and actually a little loudly to my (and his) shock, he jumped about a mile in the air, almost dropping the notebook when I suddenly (to him) said

"Excuse me! That's mine and I would _appreciate_ it if you would give it back, please!"

"And why should I? You've got some pretty awesome ideas, not as awesome as mine, or even me, but still pretty awesome."

"Because you shouldn't have taken it in the first place, and that was really rude of you! You can't just go around taking other people's things and rummaging through them like a peeping Tom!" He ignored me completely and stood, continuing not a second after I was finished, nearly interrupting me, as though I hadn't spoken at all, further enraging me.

"I do have a question for ya though, Birdy. How'd ya find out all this stuff about all these people?" He was honestly curious, I could tell from the way he leaned forward and actually followed up a moment later with a "Come on, please? Pretty please with the awesome me on top?" And even though that was more than a little weird, I was grudgingly happy someone had actually taken an interest in me, and was finally paying attention to me, despite who said person actually was. I'm petty sure he could tell, too. Even back then Gil had been far to observant and cunning for his own good, though you wouldn't expect it from him give his outwardly idiotic behavior. So, with an irritated sigh, I started to explain my invisibility, how I was absolutely ignored, or really not even seen, so people did all sorts of things they wouldn't do if they knew I was here and just generally did misbehaved or broke the law, allowing me to have all kinds of dirt on pretty much _everyone , _but especially the "popular" kids, who seemed to think they were invincible because everyone listened to and obeyed them. When I was done, a little out of breath from actually talking for so long, he was just staring at me, awe written all over his face. "Thats so AWESOME!!! He practically yelled, obviously beside himself with excitement. "So, why'd you start making all these battle plans?" 

"Well, I'm not always ignored you know...I'm pretty smart and I don't let people cheat off me, or anything and I'm just different, not so social, talking to myself because no one'll talk to me, trying out for the hockey team, even though there's only a boys team, playing on said hockey team, not caring that I have to change in the same locker room, so I get picked on sometimes, until they get bored...I just let them get it out of their systems. They always quit after a while, because I don't react, so it's alright. Except for one time.. that was because of the same locker room thing, which changed pretty much immediately after this...one of the guys, a popular guy,  _The_ Popular Guy, I guess, he thought it'd be funny to try and...do... _stuff_...to me. What he didn't count on is me kicking the everliving shit out of him. I think I broke just about every bone in his body for that. But, of course that just made everything worse, now no one at all would talk to me, be my partner for class, nothing. Hockey improved though, the guys finally accepted me, we all ended up being pretty good friends on the ice, not anywhere else though. That one guy got expelled, and my parents sued him and his family pretty frickin' good, which also made things worse. The book is becauseI just get a little mad every now and then, but don't need to kick anyones' ass, so I made that book, which I'd still like to get back by the way, just so you know!" He didn't like my reply, that was immediately apparent from the way his eyes narrowed and the grim set off his mouth. "What's wrong?"

"You shouldn't let them mess with you like that! You should fight back, don't be a sissy! Fight, fuck'em up like that one guy! Pay'em back for all the misery they've caused you! What the hell's wrong with ya! Don't take shit from no one! You're too awesome for that!" I gaped at his cursing, having never really talked to anyone who had such a foul-mouth, sure I'd heard it and cursed some myself, as he'd just heard, but still! Though... something about my face, perhaps the thoughtful expression there encouraged him even more, and not a moment later he followed up with what had to be the greatest idea anyone had ever had. (up to that point, he's had quite a few,  ** _far_  **worse plans since then) He looked directly into my eyes and said "Lets do  _everything_ in your book of wonders." I gaped some more, mouth open and eyes wide.

"What! We can't!"

"And why not?! They've fucked with you, now it's pay back time, baby!"

"Because-, uh, well, it's not right, and...um. Shit." The curse made Gilbert grin, knowing he'd won. Score= Gilbert-2  Me-Nil. And so, over the course of that week and weekend we carried out each and every single one of my plans, with some added features from Gil. That was one of the few times Gil wasn't caught, having followed my advice and plans which were far sneakier than his own, which mainly consisted off 'do the deed, run away as fast as you can' which sometimes worked, but mainly didn't. Ever since then though, we've been inseparable, quickly becoming the closest of friends, much to my parents delight. Speaking of my parents... Presently, I looked up and asked

"What happened to my...to them." Gil knew what, who, I talking about immediately and frowned, looking away before saying

"They're both in jail for the time being, waiting for their court date. Brad was the one who called the police, he was really freaked out when he saw what they were trying to do. They got there pretty quickly when they heard the words 'mom and dad are trying to kill my sister'. They finally pried your mom away from you, I'd been trying and even got her far enough away that she couldn't do anything more to you, but...not much else. The had to carry your dad out, he was still out cold. I'm pretty sure Brad is with your babysitter, Feliks? Is that his name, never can remember."

"Felicia, her name's Felicia." I murmured wondering how she was taking all this, especially why they'd freaked out, being transgender herself.. "She's trans l-like...m-me. They never acted differently around her, even when she came out, even when she got a boyfriend, they didn't treat her differently, nothing, so w-..w-why _me_?! Why were they so normal with her and Daniel?!"

"I don't know. Honestly, I've never been so shocked in my life, BIrdy. Your folks seemed so understanding, so kind. What the fucking hell is all I can seem to come up with...And I hate myself for what I'm about to say, but I think it's because you're, you  _were_ theirs and believe it or not, that makes a difference. Especially when your family's as rich as yours. Appearances, I guess, ya know. It's fucking fucked up, and more unawesome than that Russian bastard of a neighbor I have, but it's the way it apparently is, so, hate me for this all you want, but ya need to accept that, deal with it, and kick their asses for it, ya got me Birdy?! Don't you **dare** get depressed or sad any more! Ya got me, ya got any friends of yours who are true friends and not asshats and we're gonna be all the fucking family you need, ya got that? Now come here you ball of kindness and fluff, you!" I was wide eyed in shock when Gil lunged forward and crushed me into the longest, most crushing hug I'd ever been given. It wasn't like him to be so deep, or, frankly long-winded (on one subject) but I could tell from the tears in his eyes (that he'd deny borderline psychotically were there) he'd meant every word and really was going to stick with me, something I desperately needed to know just then.

"Thank you. I know, I've got you, and Gilbird, and Felicia, and Daniel, and Ivan and Brad, I'm not alone, I'm gonna be okay, we all will." I was about to start crying again, myself from the sheer relief that realization brought me when Gil suddenly pulled away from me, still gripping my shoulders and looked me dead in the eye, that same psychopathic grin he always had when he'd just gotten an idea, stretching his face.

 "So, what do you say you and me get the fuck outta dodge?"

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that! A little suspense to reel you in! The first chapter will be posted in a few days, or as soon as I hit 13 subscriptions! Which isn't likely, so sorry for the wait in advance!


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